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today's stats
wake-up: 2 pm (10 hours non-continuous sleep)
breakfast: dry off-brand cheerios (honey-nut)
set daily goal: do not die (thusfar successful, relatively)
Kinda hesitant to go out today. I think I'm afraid of running into John and Linda. Which is silly and dumb. But I've learned my gut usually knows what it's talking about. My instincts may be ridiculous, anti-social, and stupid, but they usually have a somewhat good reason for it.
Somewhat.
So, thusfar I've done what I usually do when something's troubling me but I can't think of a damn reason why. I try to find that reason while exploring various resting positions on the air mattress.
Had a pretty sweet double-bent-knee opposite-spread with waist half-twist, backside going on when the first of the pieces started falling into place. (Yes, I visualize my mental processes as tetris pieces.) Okay, the world has gone crazy. By now, I'm about as cool with that as I'm gonna be. But even with all the craziness, it has thusfar had a logical impact on my life.
interim activity: thumb through the PDGA magazine backwards. Wonder if any of the mail-order-disc stores advertized are still operating.
late lunch: beef jerky (far more acceptable as a main course ever since the attacks. Is meat, is nigh-nonperishable, is ubiquitous to convenience stores.)
Was perfecting my left-facing deadman with reverse-akimbo arms when the next lines came together. So there's craziness. Big deal. But until last week, the craziness wasn't controlling my life. Wasn't affecting me directly. The events in my individual existence were natural outcomes to the equations set up by the world. But lately the world's been feeding me 2 + 2 and I'm coming up with 5.
To listen to Mr. Welsh is to believe my + and I have become overnight sensations in DC. Hints that President Lee himself chose our spot to run the night of his address. On our first project together? Really?
Okay well maybe we did a good job. I do feel like we did a good job. I love the copy. So even that could have been assimilated into the natural flow of Things.
Something still missing though. Like when you get one of those funky z-blocks and no place to drop it. Always leaves that awkward little gap.
might have happened now: dozed off for half an hour? Maybe?
dinner: cheapo frozen pizza. Like, the (formerly) $1/box one, not the $1.30/box one. Always preferred the cheaper ones, crust got crisper than those the next step up.
dessert: a few marshmallows. God I love marshmallows. Fluffy sweet perfection.
By this time was reduced to fine-tuning the right-facing sideways fetal. Been a while since I've put so much effort into professional positioning.
Okay, things got a little weird when I saw the fruits of my labor on national TV. But even that had fallout that was even weirder. The whole John thing. I'm not CLOSE close to them, but close enough to be more than a little shaken the night they came for him. But then, to be told that because he wanted me to be happy and productive, Mr. Welsh had single-handedly reinstated John's citizenship and saved him from a hazily-defined deportation?
(Now we're getting somewhere now there's a nice little trough on the side and a l-block coming up next I think I've got this...)
For me, Mr. Welsh had sliced through who knows how much red tape in a time when the red tape is toughening to near-steel strength. For me...or for what I've done?
For what I've done, and have the potential to do later?
Am I in debt to this guy now?
BAM TETRIS WHOLE SCREEN CLEAR LEVEL UP FANFARE OF SUCCESS
Why does that thought feel so ominous? That's it though; that's what's bothering me. I feel like I'm in some insane debt to my boss. But he's shown no sign of this being an issue...given me no reason to feel like I should worry about being in his debt. So he did me a favor, right? People do that sometimes.
But of this magnitude?
I don't know. But some of the things he's said, the ease with which he accomplishes things, the complete confidence in a time of national uber-uncertainty...it just feels WEIRD man.
Okay so maybe it is time I started fitting myself for a tinfoil hat. But I got a safeguard. I got this figured out. If I were REALLY paranoid, if I REALLY believed things were far deeper than the little divot they usually are, then why the hell would I post this online? Especially considering my position?
No, this is my litmus. Everything's fine.
official end of forced consciousness: thinking maybe around 3 am, depends really
daily goal status: successful (pending...)
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